Over the past semester I feel as if the one technique that I have mastered would be diction. While writing the Travel Narrative I felt most comfortable and most proud of my work.
After a hard day at school where I've been bumped into, josteled by different people, scolded by my various teachers and choked down a pitiful lunch I finally make it home.
Entering the door I'm immediately greeted by my two dogs. The black one jumps and digs his claws into my hips and legs vying for my attention while the other smaller white one wags her tail ferociously and is hoping for me to give her a quick belly rub. I give them their allotted time of attention, kiss my father's scruffy cheek and head upstairs.
As I approach my room I see all the decorations on my door and how badly it's in need of repair. A long time ago I scowered magazines looking for pictures to cut out and tape to the door. I had abandoned that project long ago but I'm far too lazy to take it down or fix it.
I swing open the door and let my over-loaded backpack fall where it may. It feels as if I've taken a literal and metaphorical load off my shoulders. I look around my room at the array of clothes strewn about and my desk which is covered in makeup debris.
I plummet face first into my bed. My bed is what I call a 'canoe-bed'. The springs are so worn out that the middle caves in and the edges are still taut. I flip over onto my back and pull my iPod and headphones out of my pocket. I slip the little white plastic ear buds into my ears, pull the covers up and over my head and press play.
I set a quick alarm on my phone and let the music seep through me, making my eyelids heavier and heavier until I slip into a light slumber.
Hey Katie. I agree with you when you say that your best literary device is diction. The way that you wrote your essay in a chronological order of how you experienced each individual event is very powerful to the reader. My favorite examples of diction are when you "choked down the pitiful lunch" and when the "music seeps through me". These bring about a powerful sense in both extremes, with the lunch being negative and the music seeping through you being a very positive, calming effect. It gave me the true sense of what you were meaning to say. I also really appreciated your sentence about the "canoe bed." I didn't know what you meant at first but once you explained it, it gave me the feeling that I was floating lazily down a river, kind of like the way you went to sleep.
ReplyDeleteKatie I agree with you about your diction mastering skills. You totally rule. I like how you took the reader on a ride with you and made them feel like they where actually there with you. One of those things where you are showing us instead of telling us. “…kiss my father's scruffy cheek and head upstairs.” It is almost like I can feel a scruffy face and how scratchy and almost negative it feels like your bad day. I like how you keep hinting at all of these things that would normally not cross your mind but now are because you are having a bad day. Such as your dogs, door, messy desk, and worn out bed. I like your use of the word ‘plummet’ it is so powerful and it shows how happy you are to actually be home and are able to lay down in your bed and just relax.
ReplyDeleteHey.I really liked your essay and I agree that you mastered diction.All the words you used from the beggining to the end were very powerful.I especially liked words such as josteled and choked down.I liked the way you mentioned your dogs and how you gave them the "allotted time of attention."You described your room that well that I had a feeling I was there.Mentioning posters on your door and makeup debris on your desk made you look like a typical teenager as you are one.I especially liked the way you ended this essay.Saying all of these things like covering youself,listening to your music,your eyelids becoming heavier and heavier made me feel more relaxed.Very powerful essay.
ReplyDeleteYour diction in this blog is very strong. I definately agree that you have mastered this skill. The blog reads just as well as any professionaly written peice. One of my favorite examples is when you said "I choked down the pitiful lunch" and "plummet face first into my bed". The first example really shows how bad and negative your day was. The second example shows the other extreme as you have finally plummeted not only onto your bed, but away from all of your troubles. Describing your bed as a"canoe bed" was also a very interesting word choice. It gives you such a relaxed feeling as if you were drifting downstream on a canoe, just as you drifted to sleep. "Let the music seep through me" also contributes to a very relaxed feeling for me as a reader. I felt you showed great mastery of diction and did a great job on your blog!
ReplyDeleteI was very impressed with you diction in this piece. It blew me away with how well it was written. Some examples that I was particularly impressed with were “Makeup debris” and ‘canoe bed”. Debris is such a strong word because it’s usually associated with random trash dumped which really gives me a good image of how your room looked. The “canoe bed” also gave me a very relaxing feeling. I felt like I was floated down a river which really related me to how you were feeling. I also liked how you started with a very negative idea shown in the phrase “chocked down a pitiful lunch” and then ended with a very calming feeling shown in “let the music seep through me”. This really showed both extremes in your situation. I felt you really showed a great mastery of diction and your blog was very strong.
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